Exploring the Origins and Etiquette of Friendsgiving Celebrations

Thanksgiving traditionally takes place on the fourth Thursday of November, but a growing number of Americans are embracing a new tradition called Friendsgiving, which allows them to enjoy a festive meal before the official holiday.

Friendsgiving is characterized by its informal and potluck-style format, where friends gather to enjoy Thanksgiving staples without the usual family dynamics.

According to Emily Brewster, a senior editor at Merriam-Webster, “There are your friends, and there’s Thanksgiving.” She describes Friendsgiving as “a great example of a word that is just an excellent candidate for adoption as soon as someone thought of it.”

This concept is explored in NPR’s Word of the Week series, which examines the origins and evolution of Friendsgiving.

A Familiar Tradition with a Modern Twist

Gathering with friends around Thanksgiving is by no means a novel idea. The tradition has been depicted in popular culture for decades, from the 1973 special A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving to the Thanksgiving episodes on the sitcom Friends. However, the term “Friendsgiving” only emerged in recent years.

Merriam-Webster began tracking the term in 2007, following its appearance on social media platforms and online message boards. Brewster notes that the word’s clear meaning and easy pronunciation contributed to its rapid adoption.

Friendsgiving gained mainstream attention in 2011, thanks to a Bailey’s Irish Cream advertising campaign and a plotline on the reality show Real Housewives of New Jersey. Google searches for the term spiked that November, and its popularity has only grown since.

In 2020, Merriam-Webster officially added “Friendsgiving” to its dictionary, solidifying its place in the cultural lexicon.

The Growing Appeal of Friendsgiving

Friendsgiving has inspired chain restaurant promotions, hosting guides, and even participation from public figures, such as a sitting president. While there are no official statistics on the number of Friendsgiving celebrations, online surveys suggest that as much as 20% of Americans partake in the tradition.

Brewster speculates that the existence of a specific term might have encouraged more people to host Friendsgiving events. She believes that words can influence behavior, stating, “I’m curious … if the existence of the word has somehow generated more of this kind of socializing.”

Friendsgiving Etiquette and Tips

Lizzie Post, co-president of the Emily Post Institute, reports that questions about Friendsgiving etiquette began to arise around the time the term became popular. People often ask whether it’s appropriate to celebrate both Friendsgiving and family Thanksgiving, to which the answer is a resounding yes.

Emily Stephenson, author of The Friendsgiving Handbook, has been hosting Friendsgiving gatherings for years, even before the term was coined. She believes Friendsgiving is particularly appealing to younger generations, especially those who experienced isolation during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Stephenson emphasizes that there is no “right” way to host Friendsgiving, noting that “If you are hosting and a turkey stresses you out, you don’t need to make turkey.”

Post advises that the key to a successful Friendsgiving is clear communication about who is responsible for what. “I think that as people, we really value spending time with one another,” she says. “It’s the gathering that makes the big difference.”

Advice for Hosting and Attending Friendsgiving

For hosts:

• Do confirm any dietary restrictions with your guests in advance.
• Do keep a list of who is bringing what dish, and serve any unexpected contributions.
• Do plan the main dish yourself, but it doesn’t have to be turkey — consider alternatives like shepherd’s pie or lasagna.
• Do assign easier tasks to guests traveling from out of town, like bringing drinks or napkins.
• Do provide important details ahead of time, such as the start time and dress code.
• Don’t hesitate to ask guests for help with small tasks to enhance the communal experience.
• Do offer leftovers to guests, especially of the dishes they brought.

For guests:

• Do inform your host of any dietary needs, offering to bring a dish that accommodates them.
• Don’t arrive without a contribution — avoid bringing soup, which requires extra dishwashing.
• Do prepare your dish at home, allowing for a quick reheat if necessary.
• Don’t expect to take home leftovers, though they are a nice bonus.
• Do express gratitude to your host, even if it’s just a verbal thank you.